pom,
i wonder what you are doing right now, are you thinking of me or you're still too tired to do that. are you with your friends, trying to act as if you are happy but deep inside you feel empty and you are still yearning for me (i hope). tell me cause tonight maybe if you answer that you might stop me from ending this... ending Hope.
tonight i am thinking about ceasing to write to you. i am tired of writing, i have come to the realization that my words are too weak to reach you. i have realized that they have lost thier power. i am thinking about giving you up.
once... not so long ago, i thought to myself that if i continued writing to you i might be able to reach you, through the sincerity of my words and the vulnerability i am feeling. i thought that when i write to you the letters, the words could somehow reach you. wishing that you would be able to hear my silent scream. i believed that if i continued to write i would be able to create a world where we can still be together, a perfect sanctuary just for the two of us.
but now i know that they can't. how could they if you won't let them?
tonight this will be the last letter that i shall write for you, the last time you are going to see your name in it. the last time i would blatantly show the world that every single word i create i offer to you. the last time i would write your name... the last.
and as i end this letter with a (.) put in mind that i am ending everything about us. i am letting you go... setting you free...
thank you, for every heartbeat, for every heartache, for every laughter, for every tear, thank you for all the firsts, thank you for all the lasts, thank you for all the hellos, thank you for all the good byes, thank you for all the lessons I shall never forget. Thank you I have grown more. I have lived more, I have loved more. You shall be forever remebered and cherished…
forever, thank you for Everything.
goodnight to you my love…
goodbye.
12/15/4/
8:55pm
5 comments:
You're doing the good thing. Know that more important than letting HIM go, is you're letting YOURSELF go. Setting YOURSELF free. Free from waking up in the morning to pain. Free from letting someone else decide your happiness. Free from sadness which will only consume you more and more as the days go by. Free from feeling unworthy because of ONE person's actions. Free from the fear of eternal loneliness. Free from a world of fragile happiness and permanent clouds.
Find happiness WITHIN before you find it in someone else. When you find what is SO beautiful inside YOU, as God did when He made you, only then will someone else see it also.
And this too shall pass. One day you will wake up and smile...
hey ynna...
i just recently found out about what happened to you guys (thanks to Rony). I'm really sorry it had to happen. I've only known pom for a year so I can't exactly say I know him well, but just stay strong and keep your head high. Bea told me once that we never really get over a person we just learn to move on. Your love for Pom will always be there and his love for you will always be there.
Good luck with all your endeavors with life. I hope you're feeling better. You'll get over this storm somehow. God bless ya!
Peace out
/jepoy
heya ynna, stumbled upon your blog by chance. i heard about the both of you from pom. sad. sad, indeed. it's aryt man. as i told a friend who also recently went through a breakup, "Buhay ka pa. Right now,it's the only thing that matters. Marami pang darating, at marami pang aalis. Kailangan mo lang masanay. Hindi madaling laro ang pag-ibig." You'll get through it, over it even, just don't forget how once upon a time you guys were friends too. you don't have to leave him behind, neither does he have to leave you. pardon me for, maybe, over simplifying this, but think of it as carring a box. If you can't carry it on your shoulder, cradle it in your arms, or put it on your head. Don't know if that made sense, but I'm gonna leave you to interpret that on your own.
Btw, I got a school na for this 3rd trimester. closer than ust, and not at all as crappy as i expected it to be. la salle canlubang. it's in laguna. i'm still exploring the option of studying at ust, la salle taft, or uap for the next school year, but this'll have to do for now. i'm just glad i'll be going back to class again. to tell you quite frankly, i missed my books a lot.
anyway, keep strong aryt? and keep in touch. i've got a blog too. come check it out: pickleinmyeye.blogspot.com. take care.
well, well, well, this was a surprise, kaso dont know how to look at it, whether, literature or literally, although, your literature is your life literally so no hermeneutics involved... (hang over from levi-strauss) anyways, di ko alam kung dapat pang ilagay comment ko, hehe, kasi the three other comments eh mukhang tama, pero kilala mo ako di ba? hindi ako ganun, so siguro kaya ako nag dalawang isip na ilagay yung comment ko, actually. actually bilib ako sa iyo, and i know na ikaw yung best na interpreter ng history mo, so all im saying is that whatever happens, you know na this, ypu ave heard na this and you will always be that na__________... haha mawawalan na ako ng message sa slum book mo, so next time na lang, bitin ba? sinadya ko yun... hehehe
thank you for all the kind words. i will try to be better each day. :)
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