waiting for a new one to start...

ok so i was just being paranoid again. argh! i just hate it when all my assumptions are wrong. AGAIN. it happens to me all the time. but i can't blame myself! we're so far a part and well our communication is not that good because of so many reasons that i just have to understand. even if at times i just can't do it anymore.

so lastnight we were able to talk on line. he said that he just realized how long it has been since the last time he saw me. (uh-yeah! that's why i feel so crappy in the first place!) oh well so expectedly he was extremely sweet again, trying to dimiss the fact that i was being cold, he kept on talking and talking about stuff just to fill the awkwardness. it was fun torturing him... hehehe well... i like it when he does that. when he tries to make up for his short comings. oh well...

i deserve to be wooed . i know that. and it adds spice in our relationship. i'm so in love with him. i don't know why. i'm so excited to see him this saturday!

another drama. an end of a cycle.

waiting for a new one to start...

it will end soon like all love will...(from the song, and end to the full moon, for the lover i spelled)

sick and scared

i've been very sick for the past few days now... my fever's been on and off... and i thought it was just my heart who's breaking down but it seems like my body too would like to break down... oh well...

so i went to school today, i wore a vintage short dress i bought from ukay, for only 5 pesos! hehehehe... so there i decided to be happy even if i'm not i decided to be pretty. i didn't fail myself, i did look pretty, many people stared like crazy and a lot of people from ab said i looked nice... do not react on this! it's the only thing that made me happy today so there just let me be... hehehe

i still feel bad that he's not texting me... i feel so unloved right now... i don't think i deserve this, or maybe i do deserve this... o well... how bad can it get... it's really killing me, physically and emotionally. how bad can the world get. i thought my bitter days are over, but here i am again, being pulled by the souls underground. i'm scared. can somebody help me...

i'm tired. i'm sick. and i just want to be loved...

the little prince's sheep

today we watched the movie hero. because dr. co wanted us learn more about the period of the warring states and the emperor of Qin Emperor Shih huang... o well... like you care...

anyway last night i opened pom's live journal and i got so devastated by the fact that i found out too many things about him that i should have known or he should have told me decades ago... and now i feel like he's a total stranger, that i too am a total stranger. and i hate it.

it shocked me that he used to write poems and that he kept a journal... he should have told me that, because he knows that im intrested about those kinds of things. especially when its about him. right? i hate it! i hate it!

and i hate the fact that i haven't seen him for almost a week now. and we have no communication... why? i don't know or i just don't wanna understand! argh! i hate the fact that because i was so full of emotions earlier this morning i was forced to write down my thoughts... and guess what?! i sounded so pathetic. but duh?! i was just being honest!

i'm being paranoid again. i'm thinking that maybe he doesn't love me anymore... yeah... maybe. i'm scared! i don't wanna lose him... not yet...