PALIWANAG sa aking katanungan

napagusapan kasi namin ito ng friend ko nung isang araw eh, sabi nia pag sinagot mo raw yung tanong ng number 2, mas may katotohanan yun. aminin man natin sa hindi minsan "egocentric" talaga ang ugali natin pagdating sa love.

ewan ko sa iba, pero ako kasi, gagawin ko ang lahat, kahit na ayaw na nia, kahit isinusuka na ako ng taong mahal ko, kahit mukha na akong tanga hindi ko talaga titigilan, cge go parin ako! ang paliwanag: para in the end wala kang what ifs, at alam mo sa sarili mo na wala ka ng pag kukulang.

tapos dun ko narealize na, ginawa ko lang naman lahat yun kasi mas mahal ko ang sarili ko... bakit kamo? kasi, kung mas mahal ko yung manimahal ko, syempre susundin ko na kung ano man yung gusto niang ipagawa sa akin, like kung gusto niang tigilan ko na ang pangungulit cge d go titigilan ko na nga, pero hindi ko ginawa, minahal ko parin sia sa maaabot ng aking makakaya, kasi alam ko na pag tinigilan ko at sinunod ko sia hindi ako sasaya, so in short kahit ano mang katangahan ang nagawa ko, nagawa ko yun para sa sarili ko. para sa ikaliligayaha at ikakapanatag ng loob ko.

tapos ang sabi nung kaibigan ko, kaya cguro buo ka parin nakaalis, or buo parin ako pagkatapos nung relasyon namin, kasi in the end mas minahal ko pala ang saili ko....

**ewan ko kung paniniwalaan niyo ako, lalo na ang mga kaibigan kong nakasaksi kong paano ko hinarap ang buhay pagkatapos mangyari ng lahat... bahala na kayo, hindi ko naman kayo kinukumbinsing paniwalaan ako, nais ko lang ipamahagi ang napagmunihan ko. =)

KATANUNGAN pakisagot please

paano ka magmahal?
(ibase mo sa noon at ngayong mga relasiyon)

1. masmahal mo ang taong mahal mo kesa sa mahal mo ang sarili mo? Ipaliwanag ang sagot.
   
2. masmahal mo ang sarili mo kesa mahal mo ang taong mahal mo? Ipaliwanag ang sagot.
   

*patawarin ang d effective na pag play of words!

myth creature

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people. Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others. You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others. You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

art movement

You Are Expressionism

Moody, emotional, and even a bit angsty... you certainly know how to express your emotions. At times, you tend to lack perspective on your life, probably as a result of looking inward too much. This introspection does give you a flair for the dramatic. And it's even maybe made you cultivate some artistic talents! You have a true artist's temperament... which is a blessing and a curse.

What Art Movement Are You?

20's name

Your 1920's Name is:

Eddie Margarette

What's Your 1920's Name?

paint me!

Who Should Paint You: Andy Warhol

You've got an interested edge that would be reflected in any portrait You don't need any fancy paint techniques to stand out from the crowd!

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

blue heart

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well. You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

minsan

minsan hindi mo na alam kong iiyakan mo o tatawanan mo nalang eh... minsan kasi nakakasawang malito. minsan nakakasawang magkaroon ng samo't saring paraan kung paano ka makakatakas. yung minsan gusto mo nalang na andiyan nalang sa iyong harapan ang dapat mong gawin, hindi minsan, madalas yun ang hiling. hanggang kelan kaya ako magtatago, hanggang kelan magwawala, magpapakawala, mawawala, ngunit hindi magiging kawalan. ewan wala nanamang saysay. ganito ang aking buhay, at ganito lang siguro ako ngaun... walang saysay.

infinte blabbers 5: paghuhulog

kanina sa translation class napagusapan namin na bukod sa pagsasalin meron pa pala tayong isa pang salita para sa translation, at yan ay ang paghuhulog. kung ihahambing ang ibig sabihin nito sa salitang ingles (fall) ay medyo negatibo ang dating. para maintindihan namin, sabi ni sir mike coroza isipin daw namin ang kwento ni juan tamad, na ayon sa kanya hinihintay ni juan ang paghulog na bayabas, na kung saan kaya inaantay ni juan ang bayabas ay dahil masustansiya ito.

sa madaling salita ang "hulog" ay hindi 100% negatibo. at bigla nalang naliwas ang usapan namin sa penomenolohikal na debate. ang argumento ni sir mike na hindi negatibo ang "hulog" na salita, kung titignan at susuriin natin, ay dahil, hindi ba sa pagkahulog natin nagmumula ang meaning o understanding natin. (argh! hindi ko na kayang magtagalog! jologs talaga ako magsulat!) anyway point is ang sabi niya na you first have to fall in order to find meaning. at nerelate nia ito sa buhay, na ang buhay naman talaga ay ganyan, na para maintindihan natin ang isang bagay o ang mismong buhay natin o kung ano man ang silbi ng buhay natin ang pinagmumulan muna nito ay pagkahulog. ang trials na nadanas mo... hindi ba nagpunga ng pagtuklas ng meaning ito sa buhay mo?

he said that life itself is a never ending process of translation. (kasi pinagdudukdukan nia, which i believe is right naman, na importante ang translation hindi lamang ito pangongopya at paglilipat sa ibang salita, isa itong mabusising pamamaraan ng pagpapalaganap ng sining at literatura) hindi lang naman salita ang isinasalin eh, ang ginagawa ko ngayon na pagsusulat tungkol sa mga saluobin ko at pananaw tungkol sa pagsasalin ay galing sa aking utak na sinasalin ko sa salita. (basta ganun! ang hirap magtagalog! sana walang magbabasa nito!) anyway ayun na nga gusto ko lang ibahagi ang mga natutunan ko kanina kay sir mike sa translation class. (kung sa tingin nio ay meron nga) marami pa akong thoughts pero antok na ako, umpisa lang to, kaya pag nakita niyo na nagpost uli ako tungkol sa paghuhulog wag niyo na basahin dahil nakita niyo naman na walang silbi pinagsusulat ko! hehehe kasi pagkatapos ko isulat binasa ko uli, at shiet! nakakahiya naman walang kwenta anyway read at your own risk nga ang ika ni nyx hehehe...

Sylvia Plath: The Bell Jar

• Don’t let thewicked city let you down.
• It’s comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no farther.
• If you expect nothing from someone you are never disappointed.
• What a man wants is a mate and what a woman wants is infinite security. What a man is is an arrow into the future and what a woman is is the place the arrow shoots off from.
• Stranding me in the middle of a huge silence.
• The instructions slid through my head like water, and then I’d always spoil what I did so nobody would ask me to do it again.
• I felt dreadfully inadequate. The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn’t thought about it.
• I say myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I, sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.
• and think, dusty bottle-candles, that seemed for centuries to have wept their colored waxes red over blue over green in a fine, three-dimensional lace , cast a circle of light round each table where the faces floated, flushed and
  flamelike themselves.
• I couldn’t stand the idea of a woman having to have a single pure life and a man being
  able to have a double life, one pure and one not.
• I would catch sight of some flawless man off in the distance, but as soon as he moved
  closer I immediately say he wouldn’t to at all.
  

That’s one of the reasons I never wanted to get married.

The last thing I wanted was infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots
from. I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself,
like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket.

• Ever since I was small I loved feeling somebody comb my hair. It makes me go all sleepy and peaceful.
• I didn’t know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I’d cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.
• and with immense relief the salt tears and miserable noise that had been prowling around in me all morning burst out into the room.
• I didn’t really see why people should look at me.
  

Plenty of people looked queerer than I did.

• The air punched out my stomach.
  

All through June the writing course stretched before me like a bright safe bridge over the full gulf summer. Now I saw it totter and dissolve.

• My mother saidthe cure for thinking too much about yourself was helping somebody who was worse off than you.
• The only trouble was, Church, even the Catholic Church, didn’t take up the whole of your life. No matter how much you knelt and prayed, you still have to eat three meals a day and have a job and live in the world.
• I also hate people who ask cheerfully how you are when they know you’re feeling like
  hell and expect you to say “Fine”.
• it wouldn’t have made one scrap of difference to me, because wherever I sat-on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok-I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.
• The air of the bell jar wadded round me
  and I couldn’t stir.
• The river water passed me by like an untouched drink.
• I was growing involved in spite of myself.
• I told him I believed in hell, and that
  certain people, like me, had to live in hell before they died, to make up for missing out on it after death, since they didn’t believe in life after death, and what each person believed happened to him when he died.
• I hated their visits, because I kept feeling the visitors measuring my fat and stringy hair against what I had been and what they wanted me to be, and I knew they went away confounded.
• the beaming double of my old self, specially designed to follow me and torment me.
• I was beginning toresign myself. If I was going to fall, I would hang on to my small comforts, at least, as long as I possibly could.
• All the heat and fear purged itself. i felt surprisingly at peace. the bell jar hung, suspended, a few feet above my head. i was open to the circulating air.
• Her thoughts were not my thoughts, nor her feelings my feelings, but we were close enough so that her thoughts and feelings seemed wry, black image of my own.
• Other times I wondered if she would continue to pop in at every crisis of my life to remind me of what i had been, and what i had been through, and carry on her separate but similar crisis under my nose.
• I was disappointed. i had thought i would have some revelation of specific evil.
• i am my own woman.

The next step was to find the proper sort of man.

• I couldn't possibly be a virgin any more. I smiled into the dar. i felt part of the great tradition.
• To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is the bad dream. A bad dream. I remembered everything. Maybe forgetfulness, like a kind of sorrow, should numb and cover them. But they were part of me. They were my landscape.
• And of course I didn't know who would marry me now that I'd been where I had been. I didn't know at all.
• A time of darkness, despair, disillusion-black only as the inferno of the human mind can be-symbolic death, and numb shock-then the painful agony of slow rebirth the psychic generation.

excerpts from everywhere: 1

WICKED

• Women are weaker, but their weakness is full of cunning and an equally rigid moral certainty. Since their arena is smaller, their capacity for real damage is less alarming. Though being more intimate they are the more treacherous.
• There is a campaign but no agents, there is a game but no players. I have no colleagues. I have no self. I never did, in fact, but that’s beside the point. I am just a muscular twitch in the larger organism.
• You the most individual, the most separate, the most real…
• Or is just that the world unwraps itself to you, again and again, as soon as you are ready to see it anew?
• We’re not old yet, but we’re old enough to be old friends already, aren’t we?
• So he stalked her again. Love makes hunters of us all.
• There were more ways to live than the ones given by one’s superiors.
• Her curse was her safety.
• But is life worth living in the wrong form?
• Nothing is written in the stars. Not there, nor any others. No one controls your destiny.

RANDOM

• It’s sanity we’re after. – Ricci
• There is a right way to do the right thing at the right time and for the right reason. – Sir Saguisag
• Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. – Elias Schwartz
• They can smash your cookie, but you will always have your fortune. – Cats Don’t Dance
• Whining is what keeps us sane. – Me
• Stand in your own light, shine. – Michelle Bond
• I can still hear my father’s words telling me to be the big fish in a small pond rather than the small fish in a bigger one. – Ildefonso P. Santos Jr.
• I have observed the order that can result from chaos, and I have learned to appreciate and work with nature. – Ildefonso P. Santos Jr.
• The silence depressed me. it wasn’t the silence of silence. It was my own silence. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

long day

long day:

• fiction class dissolved :(
• had coffee with amor
• anderson and i went to the gradschool to change my fiction class to english american lit
• went to the creating writing center to talk to OAD
• saw carlomar there *super kilig mode*
  
• then OAD told him i like him *super kilig mode - still*
• went to the maind building to get my new subject encoded
• super long line so i decided to do it on monday
  
• so after, went to the UST museum with amor, to see the "IlokoAbel" exhibit
• textiles from Ilocos (I am so proud to be an Ilokana, rich culture, rich heritage... *bow*)
• then just wandered around the museum (aircon eh bakit ba!)
• went to the quadri park to meet nico, and to watch the water fountain
• stared at the cute kid playing (hindi eh! bathing na eh!)
  
• had dinner at lisa's with sir bong (first time ever!), ate fleur, rina, nico, and amor
• nico and i walked amor to the other side of the world (meaning: lacson, espana gate from dapitan kasi eh!) but before that we watched imago sing ewan and taralets at the eng'g complex
  
• then ate fleur, rina, nico and i went infront of the main building to chat
• saw loy
• i went to the varsitarian to visit (ehem... ) EIC nicolo
• talked about ate fleur's "lovelife"
• then they walked me home
• nico upstairs to borrow my paras book
• he teased and hugged ate lorie (teehee!)
• went down to kiss ate fleur and rina - again
• the end ;)

Sedate me...

hay kahit pala gaano mo piliting pagtaguan ang sarili mo hindi ka magtatagumpay.
ayan na ang luha, walang tigil sa pagpatak...

fish

inspired by my earrings :)

Turquoise Blue

By: Cynthia Alexander

Your out to see
In the mirror now
A hundred hands
Free falling
Only for a while

Your out to face
This tragic gate, embrace
You’re most beautiful
Watercolor lover
Only for a while

I paint my watercolor pillow
Tears turquoise blue
Fragile be this tendril tree
I may weep for you
Tears turquoise blue

Your out to steal
The heart of mine
Our restless masters
All the world a lonely journey
Only for a while

I paint my watercolor pillow
Tears turquoise blue
Fragile be this tendril tree
Counting tears
I may weep for you
Tears turquoise blue
Strong around your neck
Hush now babe
Now smile

infinte blabbers (5)

i was supposed to go out with my law school girls at around 2pm yesterday, but just when i was about to get ready i just didn't feel like going out anymore, so i begged off.

it's because i'm really sick (cough and cold). but honsetly i don't i really want to talk to anybody right now. it's not that i don't want to see them i do! i do! i miss them alot! it's just that i don't want the "kamustahan" part. where you open the conversation with "kamusta ka na?", "ano naman bago sayo?", "ano na ginagawa mo sa buhay mo ngaun?" or "ano masaya ka ba?" cause honsetly i don't have the answers to those questions that's why i don't wanna see my friends and talk to them. maybe it's not just them i don't wanna see, maybe i don't wanna answer those questions cause that means i have to deal with my self, face my self. and i'm just not ready, or even, strong enough to do that now. it just sucks that i don't have plans, i'm not focused enough... i feel so empty right now(not in a dramatic way, but in the real sense of the word, i guess.) and now that i am writing about it, it reminds me of the pending i have to deal with, so i'm ending this blabbering right now.

(oh by the way (i know i said im going to stop talking but just hear this out) i didn't meet my lawschool girls, instead, they dropped by my place. and it was just so kind of them to not ask the unanswerable questions i was avoiding... (perhaps they know i don't wanna talk about it) thanks ice, abby and ren... it feels good to see them and feel their warmth... the comfort that friends give... but i just want to isolate myself right now... i'm sorry...)

blue

envy

i look at the frozen images.

and i see...
the lightness. the joy. the smiles. the view. the people. the friends.

and my hands grow cold.
a heavy heart.

envy...
that's what it's called.

next

free from comfort.
naked.
what's next?

why am i sad?

Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people

You are sad because of your grief
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code