outside your door

last night i went to my love's domicile. i knocked on his door, nobody answered. he wasn't there.

so i sat on the floor next to his door and Wait. i wrote him a letter, Again. i told him that i was waiting for him to come back home. then i tore the letter off my notebook together with all the letters i was so scared to give him.(after that night i was able to give it to him... finally) then my fone rang, it was him. he told me he'd be there in a while. so i Waited. (then i just realized that what is actually happening to us is exactly the same thing that is happening with our relationship... me waiting for him to come back home to me, first he wasn't there then finally he was the one who asked where i am, not knowing that i never left his door, waiting for him to let me in, Again.)

he saw me sitting on the floor, we went inside his house. we talked. but didn't talk about us. then i told him that i'd be leaving in a while... then he asked me if i wanted to stay cause it was kinda late... then i said no (but at the back of my head of course i did want to sleep beside him... be next to him... feel his warmth once again...) then when i was about to get my stuff he asked me if i could stay a little longer, and have a smoke. but we didn't have any cigarette so i said i should really go now, so i kissed him on the cheeck (but if i was braver i would've kissed him on the lips, to let him feel how much i missed him, how much i long for him) then he hugged me. as i was walking to the door he asked me again if i wanted to sleep over, and so finally i said yes.

then he fixed the bed. went to the shower and bathed. as he was doing that i was copying the poem he wrote, about two cigarettes. then after that i laid on the bed... i woke up when he pulled the blanket i was using and went under it too. we were resting side by side (like we used to) but there was a pillow in the middle.

so i gathered all my guts and held his hand, he held it tighter. then we embraced. then all our memories together went gushing inside my head. i was so happy to be next to him Again i wanted to cry. then later he kissed me. i kissed him back. i didn't care if what we're doing was wrong. all i know is that i love him and i want to be close to him. if i could only freeze that moment. be with him forever.

then before i left we both asked a hanging question about Us. still no answer... still no closure... and so still there's hope for the both of us... i wish...