decompose

I told you, and I told myself that I would wait for you. But today I thought about giving up, giving You up.

I asked you how long should I wait, for tonight I felt like I could no longer hang into something that I could not grasp and you said that your return would not be this soon. Not yet.

I wonder how long should I wait then? Waiting for you left me stranded, stuck, I don’t know where else to go or when to start. I have learned so much from waiting, but today I have realized that I am back… losing the patience that I have gained through my loss…

I have lost so much of myself that I don’t know if I’d still have something to give you by the time you’re ready to come Back home. I am a home, neglected, no one there to take care of me, no one there to water my plants, to sweep the dust that came from the stars that fell at night, and to wipe the windowpane full of rusty memories, I am abandoned. I am a shelter that is decomposing, returning to the soil that it once was. Empty. I am scared that one day you wont be able to come back Home for I am no longer there to welcome you.

You have kept me hanging, now I am lost, and tired. You kept me waiting, never letting me stop. Why did you have to make me suffer like this? Until when shall I carry the unbearable vastness of this curse called Waiting? Until when shall I wait for You?

Tell me when, tell me when, tell me anything, anything at all. Tell me when and I’ll still wait.