you

crap... i tried to write down my random thoughts then bam! the stupid computer erased it. anyway i'll give it another try...

i am in the brink of giving up hope. i thought i have grown into a butterfly but i was wrong i am still this ugly worm crawling in the dark. yes i kept on telling myself and the world that i know now how to find love in any from, but i guess i was wrong, for if i did why do i still feel this much hurt, torture and more tears flowing. i don't know... maybe i still don't know the real me... i thought i know myself but i guess i was blinded by so many things. growing up is a very long and painful process, unending even. all of us will continue to grow and feel pain through this journey, what a sad world isn't it. they say that the pain you are encountering while growing will help you become strong in the end, what a lie! look at me! i am still that smalle fragile child who sleeps at night wet with tears, salt surrounding her bed as she clutches and flods herself like an abandoned fetus at night.

i thought i did but i was wrong. i thought i was the goddess and the queen, the center of my universe, but no, i am not. i am but a simple human being trying to find a tiny space for me to be able to rest on, a slave serving her master and forgetting herself. i am still a slave of love and of him.

you who i thought taught me how to love and to be patient, i am in the brink of giving up on you. a little more push and i will break, i will finally set you and my self free. you who i thought taught me that waiting is a gift, but now i realize that its not, waiting is not a gift but a curse. waiting is the one torturing me everynight, who puts me into bed with tears in my eyes and leaving me still with a heavy heart. you who i thought taught me that waiting is living, you are wrong wiating is dying, dying every single moment. you who i want to hate but i just cant.

you my love, you will forver be in my heart but i am hoping in time i can finally move on and start living again, free from your shadow. free from the curse of waiting free from you.