i bought her flowers

It was 3 in the afternoon, e fell asleep while reading my law books, and suddenly I was awakened by a phone call. From the other end of the line I heard a broken voice, threatening to pour out into a storm of sobs, I could not believe what I heard and so I started asking questions, and I heard my voice grow louder and louder (in my desperation, maybe I was shouting at Him, hoping He can give me some answers). After I put down the phone, my hands were shaking like crazy, and I needed air so I opened my back door to grasp some air, I needed that, from the fear of getting suffocated. I dialed a number, and then it was my turn to pour out my sobs, eternal sobs. The voice on the other end of the line told me to breathe, but I can’t seem to follow her instruction, how can I, how can you breathe after receiving such news?

I went out of the house, straight to the flower shop, I wanted to surprise her, so I bought her I bouquet, I can’t wait to see her smile when she sees them, she always wanted flowers, I gave her one along time ago, and it made her happy.

As soon as I got home, our friends started calling me, they kept on asking the same questions I did a while ago. So I kept on answering them, not quite sure if I had the answers, but in my desperation to understand what was happening, I tried to answer them, in the hope of answering my questions as well.

After my friends have gathered on my bed, I cooked dinner for them, they bought beer, it was a feast, and it was a celebration perhaps, of what, I don’t know either. We were all caught up in frenzy so immense we could barely feel anything. We just stayed together, for strength perhaps, we talked, we smiled, we laughed until we cried, I cried until I can no longer contain it that they had to embrace me to let me feel the love I was losing.

After a doze of beer and pretentious strength we went inside the car, the lights seemed dimmer, the night seemed colder, and our hearts seemed to beat faster, but our bodies felt weaker.

As we reached our destination, we climbed the stairs, it was eerie and cold, it was as if the cold breeze sucked out the life out of us. And as soon as we reached the door, wry coldness welcomed us.

I embraced her mom, then her dad, as a sign of respect. I had to be strong for them, so I had let go.

And then I saw her, with her funny green dress (I am sure she didn’t like). She was wearing a pink fuchsia lipstick, (I think it looked great on her). Then I gave her the flowers, I am pretty sure it made her smile.

Then suddenly it was a blur, everything around me seemed so blasé.

I felt cold, inside. Then I hugged her, but I can no longer feel her warm cozy body. She was so near that I could smell her breath but the cold glass between us no longer allowed us to intertwine.

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